SUMMARY:  Vanessa Stewart introduces us to the idea of "Chick Tracts" - an actual thing that exists.  They are comic books that are passed out by Christian Evangelicals in order to teach about the wages of sin.  In this week's adaptation, the evil homosexuals, in concert with the liberal activists, plan a terrorist plot to give gay blood at blood drives and spread AIDS.  When Tom, a rollerskating gay man, meets John, an upright Christian, Tom explains to him the evils of homosexuality by telling him the story of Lot, Sodom and Gomorrah.  Tom is, of course, saved by hearing the story, renounces his homosexuality and comes to Christ.  READ THE ORIGINAL CHICK TRACT

Photos by Zachary Bernstein

SUMMARY:  Jill doesn't want to obey her parents; she wants to drink and fornicate, and, with Satan's encouragement, heads on down to New Orleans to do so.  However, when a divinely well-timed phone call from her mother prevents her from drinking a poisoned drink, which instead kills one of her sinning friends, she drops to her knees and thanks God for her good fortune, instantly reforming her ways.  READ THE ORIGINAL CHICK TRACT

Photos by Douglas Gabrielle

SUMMARY:  When Native American elder Mary rejects her heathen gods for Christianity, Margaret, another Native American woman, decides she must be punished.  When a "strange force" prevents her from placing a curse on Mary, she hires mercenary demon Crazy Wolf to tear Mary's heart out.  However, Mary has Jesus by her side, who handily defeats Crazy Wolf.  Crazy Wolf repents his sins, and although he is murdered by a vengeful Margaret and her minions, he is escorted to Heaven by Jesus, while Margaret and the others are killed and taken to Hell.  READ THE ORIGINAL CHICK TRACT

Photos by Douglas Gabrielle

SUMMARY:  As some people don't believe Vanessa that Chick Tracts are real and think she's making it up for Serial Killers, she introduces us to two of her childhood friends, Nadia and Jon, who are visiting from Louisiana, who confirm they also got handed Chick Tracts when they were kids.  She wants to be extra clear this week that she did NOT write these, because this week's story is extra-offensive.

Four gay men dying of AIDS in a hospice are resentful of Nurse Clara, who tells them they're not children of God and are doomed because of their sinful homosexual ways.  When she reveals that she was raped by a black man and then saved by Jesus, the gay men tearfully reveal that they became gay because they were molested, and then warped by evil spirits.  The men repent so they can go to heaven when they die.  READ THE ORIGINAL CHICK TRACT

Photos by Marian Gonzalez

SUMMARY:  While playing the D&D-esque "Dark Dungeons," Debbie kills the character of her best friend Marcie, who leaves the game in tears.  But Debbie doesn't care; the dungeon master, Ms. Frost, says she's progressed far enough in the game to learn real magic as part of her coven.  Debbie uses a mind bondage spell to make her father buy her more D&D equipment, and ignores Marcie's calls. One day she finally goes to visit Marcie... and finds that she's hung herself.  Debbie is horrified and repentant, but Ms. Frost angrily tells her not to waste her tears on such a weakling.  Wanting to free her soul from the malign influence of the game, she turns to her friend Mike, who takes her to a church meeting where the speaker shows her how to free her soul from the malign influence of witchcraft and the occult through the teachings of Jesus.  READ THE ORIGINAL CHICK TRACT

Photos by Marian Gonzalez

SUMMARY:  Jesus introduces this week's episode, expressing bemusement at the fact that whoever writes the Chick Tracts doesn't really seem to understand him.

Struggling Christian rock group the Green Angels meet a "Lew Siffer," who offers to become their agent so long as they'll sign a contract in blood; he is, of course, Lucifer, and he says that he created rock music - responsible for everything from Elvis to the Beatles to Motley Crue... and even Christian Rock.  The Angels soon become rich and famous.  When two of the band members decide to get gay married, Lew destroys them with AIDS, and their uncaring bandmates callously replace them.  However, Tom, one of the bandmates, is finally redeemed when he accepts Jesus into his heart - a blonde, blue-eyed Jesus, unlike the Arab Jesus who has been narrating.  Blue-eyed Jesus blows Lew away with a machine gun, and Tom rejects rock music and is saved.  READ THE ORIGINAL CHICK TRACT

Photos by Aaron Francis

SUMMARY:  In this anti-Catholic story, the Roman Emperor Marcus is losing control of the people, but Satan comes to him and tells him that the route to power is to create a lot of ritual and convince the people that only he and his "holy helpers" know God's will.  Marcus will become the first Pope... and Satan's crowning detail is that he'll make people worship... a cookie.  Specifically, a communion wafer.  After convincing the people not to actually read the Bible - as then they'd see through this mumbo-jumbo - the Pope sets himself up as ultimate arbiter of God's will, cutting the people off from the true word of God.  And so the stage is set for a showdown between Catholic Jesus and the Chick Tract Jesus (while the guy who played Arab Jesus last week sits in the audience disgusted with the whole thing).  READ THE ORIGINAL CHICK TRACT

Photos by Marian Gonzalez

SUMMARY:  Mandy is bullied by the mean girls at school, and her teacher, Mrs. White, invites her to a slumber party - at which she's given a taste of demonic power, via a demon named "Bruth."  Mandy asks Bruth to humiliate her tormentors, and when Bruth comes through, she's overjoyed.  However, things become too much for her when a meeting of her new coven includes the ritual sacrifice of an infant one of the coven birthed just for this ceremony.  Mandy is forced to drink the infant's blood, and told she'll be killed if she ever tells anybody - even the Chief of Police is one of their coven.  And Mandy is slated to be the next woman to give birth to a sacrificial child.  But when she turns to Mrs. Grayson - a "traitor" to the witches Mandy was warned against - she is led to Jesus and set free.  READ THE ORIGINAL CHICK TRACT

Photos by Marian Gonzalez

SUMMARY:  Jesus reintroduces us to the idea of Chick Tracts, reminding us that Jack Chick has very strong - and wrong - opinions about homosexuality, teenagers, Dungeons & Dragons, and Native Americans, as well as about science.  Satan arrives to instigate a musical number that embodies Chick's general philosophy: "Fuck You, You're Going to Hell."  But the number is interrupted by Jack Chick himself, who angrily declares that they're all making fun of him.  He's toting a rifle and is here to sort out all of us sinners.

Photos by Marian Gonzalez

SUMMARY:  Jack Chick doesn't believe the real Jesus is really Jesus, since he looks like an Arab.  He rails at the cast of the show for mocking him and his beliefs; only Chick Tract Jesus gets a pass, and the two sing a duet about Jack's twisted worldview.  Jack then prepares to read one of his tracts in hopes of converting the audience to his brand of Christianity.

Photos by Aaron Francis