Welcome to Sacred Fools Theater Company, est. 1997

THE TOBACCONIST
written by Padraic Duffy & Scott Leggett
(episode 1 written by Padraic Duffy)
directed by Scott Leggett

She's smokin'!

9 Episodes
Original Run: 5 Eps, 12/19/15 - 3/12/16
Playoffs Run: 4 Eps, 4/16/16 - 5/7/16

EPISODE ONE (12/19/15)

SUMMARY:  Cigar-smoking, hard-drinking badass The Tobacconist and her monkey sidekick travels the roads via motorcycle, righting wrongs and saving women from assault by instantly killing their assailants with her tobacco breath. One day, she gets a call from a woman named Madison begging for help, claiming her husband took her dog and her son. However, she lives in another world - a place, Madison says, full of everything you desire... a heaven. But her next call is from her little brother - dead for three years - who warns her not to go - the place isn't what it seems, he's trapped there, there's no escape, and Madison is pulling all the strings. The Tobacconist wonders whether to stay or go. She's been in this place for so long. But her monkey suddenly starts speaking and tells her that sometimes, you've got to venture into the unknown. "Because what makes us us... we ain't leavin' that behind here. WE'RE FUCKING TAKING IT WITH US!" Her decision made, The Tobacconist declares, "Let's RIDE!" (This episode took place on the final night of performance at Sacred Fools' 19-year home at 660 N. Heliotrope Dr.)

Photos by Mandi Moss

EPISODE TWO (2/20/16)

SUMMARY:  The Tobacconist hesitates about going to the other world on her rescue mission, but Monkey inspires her to go forward. However, she is soon knocked unconscious by mysterious thug Mr. Posthumous Shanks, who kidnaps Monkey. When she awakens, she receives another call from her dead brother, who explains how his soul ended up trapped in this other-dimensional world - and tells her that Shanks has brought Monkey there. Madison grabs the phone and dares The Tobacconist to come get her... and threatens to use The Tobacconist's real name. The Tobacconist dares her to say it...

EPISODE THREE (2/27/16)

SUMMARY: The phone line is cut off before Madison can reveal The Tobacconist's real name. Wondering how to get to this other dimension, she decides to visit the smartest person in the world, her former teacher, Dr. Waldorf Falcon. In the other world, we learn that The Tobacconist's brother has pulled the phone cord out of the wall to stop Madison from calling The Tobacconist by her real name. Monkey tries to overpower Madison, but their rebellion is unsuccessful. Madison enigmatically reveals that she's concerned with what The Tobacconist WILL want from her a thousand years from now. Posthumous Shanks - who says his awkward gait and voice is because he's still getting used to an apparently new body - "interrogates" the brother by putting his hand on his forehead and "taking" his thoughts. He tries to do this to Monkey, but it doesn't work because, as Monkey explains, "I'm made of light and cannot be corrupted." Shanks passes out, and Monkey and the brother attempt to escape while they can. Meanwhile, Dr. Falcon is happy to see The Tobacconist, who was one of his brightest pupils before she abandoned her studies in astrophysics in favor of tobaccony. As she asks for his help, his wife, Gloria arrives... but she's really Madison in disguise. As the two are introduced, "Gloria" asks, "Now, what should I call you?"

EPISODE FOUR (3/5/16)

SUMMARY: The Tobacconist takes an instant dislike to "Gloria," and Dr. Falcon seems to be of little use as he's tripping on acid and is hallucinating a talking pig and a sexy cat. However, he psychically projects a vision of Jimi Hendrix, who clues her in on how to get to Madison's subdimension. Meanwhile, Shanks calls Madison and tells her that the brother and Monkey escaped - and that the Monkey has psychic powers. Madison wonders if her past is catching up to her. And The Tobacconist gets a psychic message from Monkey confirming that her brother is no longer dead.

EPISODE FIVE (3/12/16)

SUMMARY: Madison exhorts Mr. Shanks to give chase to the escaped Monkey and the Tobacconist's brother, and is taken aback to learn that he's had his "junk" removed from his new body. Meanwhile, the brother tells Monkey the tale of the day he became imprisoned in the subdimension, which is located in a wizard's fart cloud. And the Tobacconist, along with Dr. Falcon and his hallucinations, go to a biker bar in search of Oracle Bob, who can tell them where to find the Wizard they'll need in order to get to the subdimension. But Oracle Bob and the Tobacconist recognize each other he hasn't seen her since the day they were married...

EPISODE SIX (4/16/16) - PLAYOFFS ROUND 1!

SUMMARY: Romance brews between Monkey and the Brother, who is thrilled but overwhelmed to be alive again - he can feels his heart. When Mr. Shanks arrives to capture them, Monkey leaps upon him with great fury. Meanwhile, The Tobacconist and Oracle Bob have an awkward reunion. It's hard for her to ask for his help, and it's hard for him to see her again; she broke his heart. Still, a flame reignites between them, and Oracle Bob agrees to help her find the Wizard.

EPISODE SEVEN (4/23/16) - PLAYOFFS ROUND 2!

SUMMARY: The Tobacconist and Oracle Bob are having trouble holding back their mutual desire. They run into Professor Falcon, who has finally come down from his acid trip, and reveals that he has The Wizard's address. The Tobacconist also receives a psychic message from Monkey, informing her that her brother is alive again and she's in love with him... and that they're lost in the wizard fart cloud subdimension. Meanwhile, Madison is angry at Mr. Shanks for losing Monkey and Brother... and just disgusted when Mr. Shanks asks her on a date. A sad Shanks sings of his lovelorn status, Lionel Ritchie style. Meanwhile, The Tobacconist and Oracle Bob arrive at an abandoned pot shop, where they finally find The Wizard.

EPISODE EIGHT (4/30/16) - PLAYOFFS ROUND 3!

SUMMARY: The Wizard doesn't want to help - he says fart clouds are dangerous, and he's done with them. However, he changes his mind when he learns that Madison is involved; she broke his heart once, long ago. Meanwhile, the Brother and Monkey confess their love for one another - and tell each other their real names. Shanks continues to attempt to ask Madison out, prompting another angry dismissal, and both he and the Wizard sing of their longing for her. Back at the Wizard's pot shop, he's amazed to learn that The Tobacconist has Jimi Hendrix's burrito - just the thing he'll need to produce the proper kind of fart cloud. However, he warns The Tobacconist that entering the subdimension is very dangerous; she'll have to hit the cloud riding at exactly 120 miles per hour - no more and no less - or she'll die in the attempt. The Tobacconist reluctantly admits to Oracle Bob that she's afraid. He asks her why she left him at the altar, and she says she had to find herself. And he gives her strength when he points out that if she left everything and everyone she knew to go find herself... then she's the bravest person he knows. Emboldened, The Tobacconist gets on her bike and begins her drive into the potentially deadly cloud...

EPISODE NINE (5/7/16) - PLAYOFFS ROUND 4!

SUMMARY: It's been seven years since The Tobacconist entered the fart cloud. She hasn't been seen since, and everybody is trapped inside the subdimension. They all grieve for her - even Madison - and, since they're remembering her, Oracle Bob consents to tell them her real name: Lucy. But suddenly, there is the sound of a motorcycle in the horizon. Could it be... ? Yes! The Tobacconist is back!

CAST

Lauren Van Kurin

The Tobacconist (Eps. 1-8)

Angela Sauer

Monkey (Eps. 1-9)

Julia Griswold

The Victim (Ep. 1)

Monica Greene

Madison (Eps. 1-5 & 7-9)

Henry Dittman

The Brother (Eps. 1-3, 5-6 & 8-9)

Rick Steadman, Bryan Krasner & Jacob Sidney

Thugs (Ep. 1)

Scott Golden

Guy (Ep. 2)

Shannon Nelson

Gal (Ep. 2)

Bryan Krasner

Mr. Posthumous Shanks (Eps. 2-9)

Eric Curtis Johnson

Dr. Waldorf Falcon (Eps. 3, 5, 7 & 9)

Ed Goodman

Dr. Waldorf Falcon (Ep. 4)

JJ Mayes

Douchey Dude (Ep. 3)

Paul Plunkett

Cannibal Pig (Eps. 4-5 & 9)

Erin Holt

Sexy Cat (Eps. 4-5 & 9)

Victor Isaac

Jimi Hendrix (Eps. 4-5)

Jacob Sidney

Biker 1 (Ep. 5)

Zachary Bernstein

Biker 2 (Ep. 5)

Marian Gonzalez

Biker 3 (Ep. 5)

Nathan Wellman

Biker 4 (Ep. 5)

Scott Leggett

Oracle Bob (Eps. 5-9)

Corey Klemow

Man (Ep. 6)

Carlos Larkin

The Wizard (Eps. 7-9)

Rebecca Larsen

The Tobacconist, Returned (Ep. 9)
Choreography by Cj Merriman (Ep. 8)
Choreography by Natasha Perez (Ep. 9)