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Stone Age Tools

written by Bill Robens
directed by Pat Towne (eps. 1-4)
directed by Scott Golden (ep. 5)

In olden times, the only things to separate man from beast were stone age tools.

5 Episodes
Original Run: 4 eps, 10/14/17 - 11/4/17
Playoffs Run: 1 ep, 4/14/18

Episode One (10/14/17)

Summary: Caveman Randy of the Hill Tribe shows off his new invention to Queen Lort: a TOOL. Though it's hard for his fellow cavemen to comprehend, with this sharp rock, a human might actually be able to best a sabre-tooth tiger. He is interrupted by the arrival of Randolph, whose tribe has made many advancements, but is humiliatingly still only known for the legendary propensity of one of their tribe to bugger wooly mammoths - a fetish that has somehow saved the Hill Tribe and led to peace between the two tribes. It is time once again for the annual festival of peace between the tribes - and Queen Lort says she has a new entertainment: Randy will battle a sabre-tooth tiger... and live.



Photos by Nathan Wellman

Episode Two (10/21/17)

Summary: Queen Lort has a migraine, and Griz has a new idea: trepanning to drill into the Queen's skull and relieve the pressure. However, the Queen says that women can't be scientists, and tells her to experiment on Neanderthals instead. As Griz fumes over her second-class status, Grok struggles to figure out how to sharpen a rock; when he announces to Griz his intention to take over the tribe just as soon as he can figure out how to make a stabby thing, the two team up both strategically and romantically. Meanwhile, Neaderthal Nurk can only speak in grunts due to his underdeveloped vocal cords, so Frip, though caring, is also condescending to him, not realizing the depth of Nurk's thoughts and emotions. And Randy prepares to battle a sabre-tooth tiger in next week's festival.



Photos by Jax Ball

Episode Three (10/28/17)

Summary: It's time for the festival, and Queen Lort brags to Queen Torta about her peoples' prowess - while Queen Torta's shifty son, Duplicity, makes clandestine plans. Randy is ready to fight the sabre-tooth tiger... but it transpires that his tool has been switched with an eggplant, rendering Randy defenseless. Nurk jumps in and rescues Randy by snapping the beast's neck. Meanwhile, Duplicity slashes Queen Torta's throat with the stone tool, which Grok and Griz had helped him purloin. Duplicity is now in charge of his tribe - and he also double-crosses Grok and Griz.



Photos by Vaughn Christenson

Episode Four (11/4/17)

Summary: Duplicity consults the seer Blarg, who now tells him that killing his mother was unnecessary. Oops. She foresees a great leader... who may or may not be Duplicity. Meanwhile, Griz and Grok convince Randy that they had no part in the tool/eggplant switch, laying the blame squarely at Duplicity's feet. They all plan to ally with the monkeys Duplicity's monkey army will be invading... though Grok plans to betray them, hoping to take the monkeys' store of bananas for himself.


Photos by Austin Kress

Episode Five (4/14/18) - Playoffs Round 1!

Summary: Queen Lort calls for a new tool to use against the monkeys. Randy has invented - a pointy rock. Again. Only this one is even more pointy. Griz interrupts and demonstrates how her last invention, fire, can also be used as a weapon; she douses luckless caveman Ricky in oil, then sets him on fire. As his wife, Lucy, attempts to comfort him, Griz demonstrates that fire can spread; Ricky and Lucy are both now on fire and in terrible pain. They beg for an end to their misery - and Randy obliges by bashing their heads in with his pointy rock. Queen Lort hails Randy once more as the greatest maker of stone age tools, while Griz stews.


Photos by Sierra Taylor


Julia Griswold Griz (Eps. 1-5)
Travis Snyder-Eaton Grok (Eps. 1-5)
Travis York Nurk (Eps. 1-3)
David Mayes Nurk (Ep. 5)
David Haverty Randy (Eps. 1-5)
Alisa Tangredi Frip (Eps. 1-3)
Lauren Van Kurin Queen Lort (Eps. 1-3)
Emily Clark Queen Lort (Ep. 5)
Eric Giancoli Randolph (Ep. 1)
Joey Ruggiero Monge (Ep. 1)
Quipthf (Ep. 3)
Cj Merriman Glurk (Ep. 1)
Jaime Andrews Queen Torta (Ep. 3)
Demetris Hartman Duplicity (Eps. 3-4)
Tim Kopacz Monkey (Ep. 4)
Kristyn Evelyn Blarg (Ep. 4)
Victor Isaac Rip (Ep. 5)
Clayton Farris Ricky (Ep. 5)
Laura Nicole Harrison Lucy (Ep. 5)