THE MAGNIFICENT BASTARDS
directed by Scott Leggett
5/31/08 - 6/7/08
In a world full of assholes, these guys are pricks.
by C.M. Gonzalez
EPISODE ONE (5/31/08)
From Russia, Boris (Bryan Krasner), martial arts expert.
Big and dumb as a man can come. He accidentally
poked his own eye out with the tip of his penis.
From Germany, Heinrich (Joe Fria), master codebreaker -
and a pervert who loves the scheitze.
From France, Gerard (Eric Johnson),
con man and seducer.
From America, Tom Kroose (Michael Holmes).
Not THAT Tom Cruise. A different one.
He's a demolitions expert.
And from England, Nigel (Philip Newby) and Charlie (Scott
Charlie kills people while Nigel disposes of the bodies.
This is how.
When they all mysteriously wake up in the same
room together, they quickly set to fighting each other.
Miss Cleo (Supatra Hanna) soon arrives to straighten them out.
She works for the mysterious Monkey Fist, and she's brought
the Bastards together because she has an assignment for them.
Cleo and Gerard have a history...
...and Gerard knows they're all now in for a world of shit.
EPISODE TWO (6/7/08)
Fighting robot spiders and Shaolin monks
in order to retrieve a wooden box.
Nigel pauses for a quick meal on the battlefield.
Tom is devastated when Heinrich
dies in an explosion in a church.
Polly (Franci Montgomery), Cleo's surrogate,
who has a history with Gerard and Boris.
She brings them a replacement for Heinrich...
"Hello, Guy!" Dutch cat burglar Johannes (Michael Lanahan).
The mysterious box.