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written & directed by Jenelle Riley
episodes 5 & 7 directed by JJ Mayes
episodes 9 & 10 directed by Jenelle Riley & JJ Mayes

10 Episodes
Original Run: 6 Episodes - 3/28/09 - 5/2/09
Playoffs: 4 Episodes - 5/30/09 - 6/20/09

He's on it!


Scott Leggett

Steve! (Eps. 1-10)

Eric Johnson

Narrator (Eps. 1-9)

Brendan Hunt

Narrator (Ep. 10)

JJ Mayes

Handler (Eps. 1-10)

Julia Griswold

Confetti (Eps. 1-3, 7 & 10)

Franci Montgomery

Sally (Eps. 1-3)

Kat Steel

Mandy (Ep. 1)

Vanessa Claire Smith

Champagne (Ep. 2)
Kelly (Ep. 6)
Kate (Eps. 8-10)

Jaime Andrews

R.K. (Ep. 2)

Alyssa Preston

Mom (Eps. 3-4 & 10)

David LM McIntyre

Dad (Eps. 3 & 10)

Bryan Krasner

Stan (Eps. 3 & 7-10)

Matt Knudsen

Doc Marten (Ep. 4)

Jenelle Riley

Kim (Eps. 4-5 & 7-10)

Michael Lanahan

Danger (Ep. 5)

Marianne Davis

Girl 1 (Ep. 5)

Heather Hopkins

Girl 2 (Ep. 5)

Erin Matthews

Topanga (Ep. 6)

Anthony Backman

Armand (Ep. 6)

Colin Willkie

The Waiter (Ep. 9)
Original Music by Richard Levinson / lyrics by Jenelle Riley (Eps. 2-3)

by C.M. Gonzalez

EPISODE ONE (3/28/09)

Steve (Scott Leggett) is the stupidest man in the world.

The Narrator (Eric Johnson) addresses the audience.

The Narrator introduces us to Steve.

Steve has existed throughout history, and has been responsible
for some of the biggest disasters ever.  Here, Steve is told to
deliver birth control to the Hitler residence.  He's on it!

Steve tries to have phone sex, but the phone sex operator
won't talk to him if he doesn't have a credit card.
Still, Steve thinks he's found true love.

Phone sex operator Confetti (Julia Griswold) as she really is, and as Steve imagines her.

Sally (Franci Montgomery) is Steve's smarter sister - but not by much.
She tells Steve that if he wants a credit card, he can just go to the bank.

Steve thinks he's walking to the bank.

Unfortunately, he goes to a sperm bank, where the boss, Mandy (Kat Steel), wants to make a
withdrawal from Steve. She offers the perplexed Steve a job... which means he can get a credit card.
He leaves, thanking her for getting him a step closer to "finally getting some."

EPISODE TWO (4/4/09)

Steve, Confetti, phone sex, and the "sick games" Steve wanted to play.

R.K. (Jaime Andrews) and Champagne (Vanessa Claire Smith),
Confetti's fellow phone sex operators.

They think Steve's adorable, but he only has eyes for Champagne.

Steve sings a heartfelt song about the trials of being simple.

Champagne changes her opinion of Steve when she  finds out his
credit card has unlimited spending.  In her desperate apology, she
says she's hormonal because she's "pregnant again"... to which
Steve exclaims, "I'M GONNA BE A DADDY?"  Oh, Steve.  You so crazy.


Steve takes Confetti home to meet his family.
"I have a sister!?" enthuses Sally.

Meeting Dad (David LM McIntyre).  "Who are you?"  "I'm Steve!"
"I have a son named Steve!"  "I AM your son!"  "I HAVE A SON!"

Brother Stan (Bryan Krasner).  It's not Stan's fault that he's "different."
"I was accepted at both Yale AMD Harvard! Huzzah!"

Mom (Alyssa Preston) leads the dinner table in a little prayer.  Well,
actually, she leads them in singing Aretha Franklin's "Say a Little Prayer."

Stan tells Steve he can't get anybody pregnant via phone sex, but
Dad says that's how Stan was born... while Mom was at that Mensa
convention with Dr. Stan that weekend. Wait, Mom was in Mensa?

Mom, surreptitiously dropping her facade of stupidity, hisses to
Stan that they've got a good thing going here, so just "dummy up
and play along!" And she plans to break up Steve and Confetti.

EPISODE FOUR (4/18/09)

Mom makes Steve and Confetti go see marriage counselor
Doc Marten (Matt Knudsen).  He's famous -
he's been exposed on "60 Minutes"!

"I see you haff a very healthy sex
life... at least by Geman standards."

Confetti has to admit she's not pregnant after all. She
planned on marrying Steve for his money and then killing him.
But if Ike and Tina can work things out, can't they?

Steve loves Confetti and won't leave her... until she
admits that she doesn't like the show "Bones."

Steve meets Kim (Jenelle Riley), who's just
as dumb as he is. It's love at first sight!

Steve harasses the long-suffering narrator.

EPISODE FIVE (4/25/09)

A romantic evening with Kim and Steve.

Steve harasses the long-suffering narrator.

Steve's romance with Kim... their love and their challenges.

Steve seeks help from seduction expert Danger (Michael Lanahan), who advises him that "All
women are insecure and emotionally needy children at heart. They just need to be told who's boss."
(L-R: Heather Hopkins and Marianne Davis as the Girls, Scott Leggett & Michael Lanahan)

Danger seduces both girls by insulting them.

Steve tries it on Kim...

...with unintended results.

Danger swoops in and steals Kim away.

Steve begs for some candy from the audience -
"I feel bad about myself right now."

EPISODE SIX (5/2/09)

To soothe his aching heart, Steve goes on the dating show "Skank," hosted
by Topanga (Erin Matthews), with bachelorette Kelly (Vanessa Claire Smith).

If Kelly were a turkey, Bachelor Armand (Anthony Backman)
would baste her in his juices... while Steve
would stuff her and then eat her.

"What would our first date sound like?"

Faced with a choice between "Forrest Gump" and "Rapey McGee,"
Kelly reluctantly chooses Steve for her own safety.

However, when Steve reveals he doesn't WANT to date Kelly - that he came on
the show because it's Kim's favorite show and he was hoping to win her back
by having her see him and run down to the studio - the ladies are touched.

Topanga and Kelly are overcome with emotion.


Steve turns to Stan for help winning Kim back. He advises using poetry.
Steve compares Kim to a pizza from the Hut.  Okay, this obviously
isn't going to work. So Stan resolves to act as a Christi
?n to Steve's Cyrano,
and tell him what to say on the phone.  Next Week: The Phone Call!


Stan ponders the difficulty of playing
to a Cyrano who can't even count to ten.

When Stan calls, pretending to be Steve, Kim is
so flustered that she has her intellectual sister
Kate (Vanessa Claire Smith) pose as her.

Kate is shocked to find that "Steve" apparently knows his Cervantes...
and likes the same bistro she does.  Stan and Kate
arrange a date there... for Steve and Kim.

Kate:  "I think I love Steve."
Stan:  "I think I love Kim."

Steve's upset that the story has to end here for the week.

Photos by C.M. Gonzalez, plus stills taken from video by Suze Campagna

Stan attempts to make conversation with Kim about Pluto being downgraded
to a dwarf star.  "Dwarf star!  Is that, like, where little people com from?"

Kate finds it precious that a man of such
intelligence would have such simple tastes

Things get awkward all around.

Kim and Steve finally patch things up.  His heart goes "bump-bump...
bump-bump... bump-bump... Kim-Kim... Kim-Kim... Kim-Kim..."

Kate and Stan finally fall for each other as well.

As Steve complains that the Narrator always interrupts whenever something
good happens to him, the Narrator gets a call from casting.  It's his
big break... a callback for a Chili's commercial!  He asks Steve to call
his agent and tell him he can be on avail!  His career depends on it!

"I'm ON it."

Photos by Juliette Storace, plus stills taken from video by Suze Campagna

Steve's got a new Narrator (Brendan Hunt) who
likes earth tones and can't remember his lines.

Steve still doesn't know how to kiss.

He consults his parents, whose advice involves
onions, hummus and the passing of gum.

Stan & Kate

Stan and Kate have transcended sexuality;
this is, in fact, a photo of them making love.

Confetti simply recommends slipping her a $20.

A musical number (w/accompanist Rachel Howe)
is used to try to bring Steve and Kim together.

Steve still can't do it, so Kim has to take things into her own hands.

"Now that we've kissed, I'm ready to make love."
"Oh, boy."

Now and forever, Steve is "on it."