EPISODE ONE (4/10/10)
Photos by C.M. Gonzalez
Video by Adina Valerio
Meet the manly men.
Meet Dirk Swanson (Bryan Krasner), a manly man.
The Manly Men: Mark (Greg Sims), Dirk and Todd (Stephen
Simon)... and Todd's polar bear, the mighty Umlauk.
The phone in Todd's ear rings, the phone Dirk put there with his
bare hands. But who could be calling?
Nobody has that number except for the President... and every
sexy lady in the world.
Meadow (Erika Salomon) wants her boyfriend Kelly (Matt Valle)
to put it in her... but for some reason, he doesn't wanna.
Meadow's grandmother, Mrs. Craphauler (Shirley Anderson) advises
Meadow to kick Kelly in the shins. She did. It
Kelly is the one who called Dirk (seen here eating a bowl of
nails - dry), to
ask for his help to become manly. He found Dirk's ad in
Dump Truck Monthly.
"Real men read Dump Truck Monthly," notes Dirk approvingly.
go to the Himalayas to find Gerald Constance, the manly man who
mentored Dirk in all things manly. But how to get there?
HOVERCATS, I SAY!
Flight of the Hovercats!
"You're meadow's friend, aren't you?" "We eat dirt
Mrs. Craphauler asks Roger (Tegan Cohan) to kill Kelly.
Nobody walks out on Craphauler women!
EPISODE TWO (4/17/10)
Meet Gerald Constance
Landing in the Himalayas.
Meet Gerald Constance (Pat Towne), Dirk's manly mentor.
He lives in an Ice Palace. Manly!
boasts to Kelly about his manly deeds.
Kelly can't be a real man unless he has his own hovercat - so
take him out to Hovercat Field to tame a hovercat of his very
Todd and Mark ride Umlauk to the Himalayas. It'll
take several days. "I love Dirk," admits Todd.
That's a manly thing to say, right?"
Roger and Meadow seek Kelly. Meadow still wants Kelly to
put it in her, and
Roger keeps mum as he remembers Mrs. Craphauler's instructions
to murder him.
(Also pictured: Miss Trixie as herself.)
Meadow and Roger run into Todd and Mark,
who, unsuspecting give them a ride.
EPISODE THREE (4/24/10)
Manly (and not-so-manly) tales of lions.
going to learn how to tame a hovercat. But first,
a refreshing drink of moist sand and a snack of sandpaper.
"Goes down easier if you dip it in the sand."
Landing in the Himalayas.
Kelly must ride one of Dirk's hovercats, and then jump on
a wild hovercat and hold on until the beast is tamed!
nose, Gerald and Dirk realize
that Kelly just might be The One...
which means... he's going to have to die.
hovercat (Kimberly Atkinson) speaks to him!
Her name is Ataxia, and he's in danger. She must take him to
breeding caves, where he will meet the hovercat he is truly
the hovercat that is still... inside her.
and Roger arrive, panicked. Umlauk is sick!
Upon leaning who Dirk is, Meadow kicks him in the
ankle and demands he give Kelly back.
"We must find Kelly, for he is missing... and the
fate of the world depends on us getting him back!"
EPISODE FOUR (5/22/10) - PLAYOFFS WEEK ONE! (WILD CARD WEEK) Photos by Aaron Francis
Gerald Constance's manly tales of wildlife and wild times.
dying. Is it unmanly to cry? They agree that it is
neither is Todd and Mark giving him mouth to mouth... together.
Mouth to mouth... to mouth.
arrives and points out that Umlauk is already dead... and she
to blame Dirk Swanson. "Then," vows Todd, Dirk Swanson
Meanwhile, after a freaked-out Kelly must help Ataxia with the
of her child (Julia Griswold), she
warns Kelly that
it's not safe here.
They must leave at once. Hovercat hunters are coming.
EPISODE FIVE (5/29/10) - PLAYOFFS WEEK TWO!
OMG TOO CUTE! Kelly and the baby Hovercat frolic.
Kelly and the Baby Hovercat are way too cute for Dirk.
However, they are stalked by Hovercat hunters Sandy (Scott
Leggett) and Barry (Jacob Sidney),
mounted atop their fearsome Battledeer (Hugo Armstrong & Jay
Barry, who apparently just farted, doesn't know why Sandy has to
humiliate him all the time.
Sandy atop his mount. Sandy: "Y'know, I love to sensuously
kiss my Battledeer on
the neck before I go huntin'!" Barry (to audience):
"That's a him thing, not a me thing."
It hurts the
Battledeer's feelings when Barry farts on him.
"When they get back, let's fart on THEM!"
"No one disrespects a Battledeer!" "YEAH!"
The hunters catch up with Kelly and the baby Hovercat!
EPISODE SIX (6/5/10) - PLAYOFFS WEEK THREE!
The hunters have nearly caught up with Kelly and the baby
Meanwhile, it seems that Roger has a crush on Meadow. In a
burst of assertiveness, he declares that he'll take action and
a manly man, and soon, Meadow will swoon in his muscle-arms!
Gerald Constance and Dirk arrive to rescue Kelly and the baby
There is a fierce battle!
DOOM! Gerald and Dirk's hovercats are slaughtered, and the
baby is captured!
Ataxia arrives and tells Kelly, "This is your moment to find the
courage... this, young Kelly, is where you learn to be A MAN!"
EPISODE SEVEN (6/12/10) - PLAYOFFS WEEK FOUR!
The hunters prepare to eat the baby Hovercat.
Craphauler meets Gerald Constance... and sparks fly.
you are the worst butler I've ever had." "I thought I was
your son." Sandy
asks sensitive Leslie to butcher the Hovercat. Leslie doesn't
want to. Instead, Leslie,
alone and outcast, wonders if the baby Hovercat can fly him to
where he belongs.
Kelly is also feeling lost. He just doesn't know who he
Kelly's friends, the Hovercats, help him to come to a
(Hovercats, L-R: Curt Bonnem, JJ Mayes, Ceasar F. Barajas & Jay
EPISODE EIGHT (6/19/10) - PLAYOFFS WEEK FIVE!
his steely determination!" says Dirk of Sandy.
"That's about as manly as a man can get."
Barry are upset. "I was gonna eat that Hovercat. I WAS
GONNA EAT THE FACE!" Sandy's going to kill his own son.
arrives to rescue the baby Hovercat - not knowing she's already
but trips Sandy and Barry's security system. He runs away.
longer cares if Kelly is manly. He just wants him to be happy.
Ataxia tells him
that he hasn't failed Kelly - everything has happened the way it
is supposed to happen.
Dirk: "I don't know how appropriate this is... but you are damn
sexy." Ataxia: "I know."
"This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship."
Gerald Constance and Mrs. Craphauler's post-coital pillow talk.
isn't thrilled by this union, but is happy
to find out that Gerald knows where Kelly is.
Meanwhile, Kelly and Leslie meet... and it's love at first
days are here again!
are blissfully happy...
...until Meadow discovers them. "KELLY! Is that you!?"