Welcome to Sacred Fools Theater Company, est. 1997

PAGEANT MASTERS!
written & directed by Padraic Duffy
ep. 3 directed by Padraic Duffy & Jacob Sidney

5 Episodes
Original Run: 1 Episode - 4/24/11
Playoffs: 4 Episodes - 5/21/11 - 6/18/11

Every child is a winner... with a little training!

CAST

Natasha Norman

Crystal (Eps. 1-5)

Scott Leggett

Don (Eps. 1-5)

Bryan Krasner

Percy (Eps. 1-5)

Gregory Guy Gorden

Sandy McIntosh (Eps. 1-5)

Chariman Barnes

Allison (Eps. 1-5)

Emily Donn

Nevaeh (Eps. 1 & 4-5)

Lauren Teoli

Savannah (Eps. 1, 3 & 5)

Tifanie McQueen

Sunshine (Eps. 1 & 3-4)

Jay Bogdanowitsch

Steve (Eps. 1-2 & 4-5)

Brendan Hunt

Roland (Eps. 3-5)

Donal Thoms-Capello

Happy (Eps. 4-5)
Rollerskating Choreography by Natasha Norman (Ep. 5)

EPISODE ONE (4/24/11)
Photos by C.M. Gonzalez
Video by Adina Valerio

SUMMARY:  At the Little Miss Rainbow 2011 child beauty pageant, Crystal realizes that doesn't really want to compete... the other girls are mean.  It's not about self-confidence and empowerment like she thought it was.  However, her mother, Sunshine, dreaming of the success denied her as a child, insists.  As Allison, the three-time winner, vows to destroy Crystal, another contestant is taking lessons from Don Danforth and Percy, the Pageant Masters.  She fails her lesson and is thrown out of the class just as Sunshine arrives with Crystal.  They will break her down and build her back up as a winner.  Crystal doesn't really like the sound of that... but she does like the sound of showing the other girls they were wrong to treat her so cruelly.  She's in.

Sandy McIntosh (Gregory Guy Gorden), host of the Little Miss Rainbow 2011 pageant. Working the crowd. Meet the finalists! Three-time champion Allison (Chairman Barnes). Savannah (Lauren Teoli). Nevaeh (Emily Donn). 'I don't understand! I thought this was about self-confidence and empowerement! And rainbows!' 'I don't wanna do this anymore..' Allison speculates this is not the last we've seen of Crystal. Crystal and her mother, Sunshine (Tifanie McQueen). Sunshine insists Crystal carry on with the competition. Allison vows to crush Crystal. Savannah tries to learn to hold her hat like a champion from Don and Percy (Bryan Krasner), the Pageant Masters. Don Danforth (Scott Leggett) orders Savannah to get out of his class. Don and Percy size up a reluctant Crystal. 'For the next six weeks, Crystal will have no contact with the outside world.' Don convinces Crystal she'll make the other girls sorry for being mean to her. 'I will break her down and build her up!' This they swear, for they are... ...the Pageant Masters!


The three finalists for Little Miss Rainbow 2011 are presented.


Some people have the competitive spirit and some people don't.


Don Danforth and Percy begin the process of crafting a champion.

PLAYOFFS WEEK TWO!
EPISODE TWO (5/21/11)

Photos by C.M. Gonzalez * Video by Annette Fasone

SUMMARY:  Sandy McIntosh, who founded the Little Miss Rainbow contest because he really wants a child, becomes enraged when Allison and her father Steve's horsey-ride act becomes... inappropriate. He throws them offstage, earning Allison's enmity. Meanwhile, Crystal begins her training with Percy.  Don explains that Percy once had a little girl named Becky who loved pageants.  She wasn't very good at them, but she loved them, and Percy did everything to support her passion.  Then one day, he turned his back for just a moment, and she went missing.  He's never forgiven himself.  As Don turns Crystal over to Percy, he says he has just two rules: "Work very hard... and don't ever leave my sight."

Sandy introduces the next round. He's the founder of the Little Miss Rainbow contest. "You know, my wife and I have been trying really hard to have a kid.  I've been trying REALLY HARD." "Because I have seen first hand the beautiful bond between a father and a daughter!" Allison and Steve's number. "Daddy, be a horsie!" It's starting to look a bit inappropriate. Sandy breaks up the act. Allison takes charge: "I got this, Dad." "You just messed with the wrong little girl." "I can wait to show all the mean girls I can be pretty and elegant and full of rainbows just like them!" "I will return to teach you about knives and dogs." Don tells Crystal about Percy's sad past. Percy used to have a little girl named Becky who loved pageants.  One day, he left her alone for just a moment... and she went missing.  He's never forgiven himself. Percy prepares. "I've only got two rules: work very hard... and don't ever leave my sight." Curtain Call


Sandy McIntosh presents the Fathers & Daughters portion of the Little Miss Rainbow pageant.

PLAYOFFS WEEK THREE!
EPISODE THREE (5/28/11)

Photos by C.M. Gonzalez * Video by Annette Fasone

SUMMARY:  Sunshine attempts to seduce Sandy McIntosh to get him to take Crystal back into the pageant, and can't understand why the fey Master of Ceremonies isn't interested.  Sandy's worried to find that Crystal is taking lessons from the Pageant Masters, but Don reassures Sandy that Crystal is terrible... and he'll see to it that she doesn't improve.  Meanwhile, Allison conspires with a reluctant Savannah, whose nerdy and needy brother Roland develops a crush on Allison, much to her annoyance.  And Crystal says she can't dance, but has a breakthrough under Percy's tutelage.

"Those girls were STARS up there, kicking their little baby things at us!" "Just like Mardi Gras... but instead of throwing beads, they were throwing RAINBOWS! I caught one... did you?" Sunshine attempts to seduce Sandy to help Crystal win. "You want a little Sunshine up in there?" "My wife's lady vagina is the only lady vagina I like to have sex with all the time!" Sunshine tells Sandy to suck it. Don promises Sandy that Crystal won't improve under his tutelage. Allison boasts "I piss glitter and shit chocolate! I think it's chocolate... it doesn't taste like it, but I think it is." "Crystal must be disposed of, like a bag of kittens in a bucket of water. I SAY THESE THINGS BECAUSE I'M EVIL!" Savannah's brother Roland (Brendan Hunt) falls instantly in love.  "I don't care what you do or how you treat me, I am going to LOVE YOU FOREVER!" "Why does this always happen to me?" sighs Allison. Crystal says she can't dance, but she can play baseball.  Percy shows her they're actually very similar. "I CAN DANCE!" Crystal's making progress after all. Curtain Call


Percy teaches Crystal how to dance.

PLAYOFFS WEEK FOUR!
EPISODE FOUR (6/4/11)

Photos by C.M. Gonzalez * Video by Annette Fasone

SUMMARY:  Roland is willing to do anything for Allison... so Allison asks him to help her blow up the pageant, even as her own father is warning Sandy of Allison's plans.  Meanwhile, Don explains to Percy that due to his deal with Sandy, Crystal must not win the pageant. Percy is scandalized, but Don says they need the money badly... they're about to lose the studio.  He's invited Sunshine to rehearsals, knowing her constant berating will cause Crystal to quit by the end of the day.  However, a geeky young boy named Happy enters and, lovestruck, praises Crystal to the starts.  "Uh oh," breathes Don.  "The one thing that can come between us and our plan... love."

Roland wants to kiss Allison's face. Allison isn't sure being compared to a waterfall is a compliment. "You don't even know me." "I know that I want to kiss your face." Roland eats the flowers to prove his love to Allison. "Do you really want to show me how much you love me? Help me blow up the pageant." Nevaeh throws up before weighing herself. "Two and a half pounds, is that IT!?" Steve warns Sandy that Allison is going to blow up the pageant. Crystal and Sunshine practice. Percy's proud of the progress Crystal is making. Don warns Percy that Crystal must not win the pageant. Crystal sings a song, sweetly but of off-key. Sunshine is unimpressed. Curtain Call


Roland wants to kiss Allison's face and he is willing to
prove his love in a variety of ways to achieve that goal.

PLAYOFFS WEEK FIVE!
EPISODE FIVE (6/18/11)

Photos by C.M. Gonzalez * Video by Annette Fasone

SUMMARY:  As love blooms between Crystal and Happy, Savannah offers her a way to get back into the pageant.  Later, Percy is upset that he and Don have crushed her dreams, but upon reading the pageant schedule, he realizes that Crystal is impersonating Savannah to take her spot.  He rushes to the pageant to help her.  Meanwhile, Roland is ready to help Allison blow up the pageant.  Savannah is with them; she gave Crystal her spot as a trick.  Sandy is furious to see Crystal in the pageant, and makes up a new rule that her song must be a duet.  However, Percy arrives to sing with her, and inspires her to face her fears.  Just as they're about to sing, Roland pushes the plunger.  There is a terrible explosion...

Love blooms between Crystal and Happy. Savannah knows a way for Crystal to get back into the pageant. Percy is sick to his stomach for crushing Crystal's dreams.  Don's sad as well, and promises to do nothing but good from now on. Repentant Don. "We've seen those cute little siamese twins do their dance and fall down, bless their hearts. Heart... ?  Hearts... ?" Crystal arrives, pretending to be Savannah. Sandy isn't fooled, and orders her to leave. Percy arrives to support Crystal. "You are the starlight!" Starlight express!


Percy helps Crystal overcome her fears to perform at the Little Miss Rainbow contest.