SUMMARY: Marian auditions for a PSA directed by
Godzilla (with whom she falls a little bit in love, much to the
concern of her spouse, the sentient light cluster) and assistant
directed by Mothra. Peter makes a big sacrifice to get her
the role (and himself some cake, which Mr. Montabello is
determined not to let him have), but in the end, despite running
from the audition in tears due to a douchebag of a scene
partner, she earns the herself from a sympathetic Godzilla.
In the end, Mr. Montabello, who has been shooting his own PSA,
explains this week's theme: always clean the microwave.
Photos by Travis
SUMMARY: Mr. Montabello is in love with Marian, so
he invites her to dinner, and is crushed when she brings her
spouse. To save face, he hires Tiffany, a hooker, to be
his date. Peter is also at the dinner with his wife, the
famous movie star Jamie, whose stardom came with a curse: Peter.
We learn that Peter once interviewed for a job killing
werewolves on the moon, but he flubbed the interview so badly
that the werewolves got away... and one of them is here tonight,
thus making Peter responsible once more for a tragedy in Mr.
Photos by Aaron
SUMMARY: Marian and Peter pretend to be sick to get
out of work at Vague Industries - it's a beautiful day, and
there's a 24% chance of a hurricane. The friends pick up
their always-sick friend Winston, and then pick up his crush,
Sloan Peterson, after prank calling their boss, Mr. Montabello,
tricking him into thinking Sloan's father has been taken captive
by terrorists. Their antics over the course of the day are a
shorthand and twisted version of the events of Ferris
Beuller's Day Off. In the end, when Mr. Montabello
corners Peter, a hurricane tries and fails to spirit him away,
but instead spirits Mr. Montabello away when Peter proves too
heavy to lift. In the end, the moral is that when you have
to write a new script for Serial Killers at 3am on a
Friday 'cause you couldn't do the script you originally wrote,
these are the sort of fun hijinks you can expect.
SUMMARY: It's time for Vague Industries' annual
karaoke night they do to stave off unionization. Peter and
Marian just want to have fun with it, but the mean people at
work are overcompetitive, and they summon the ghosts of Freddie
Mercury and Andy Kaufman to gain an unfair advantage. Mr.
Montabello can't sing, and wishes it was a dance competition so
he could show them all, and win Marian and Tiffany's hearts...
but even in his fantasies, he can't win. Peter's famous
wife Jamie sings, and Peter is thrilled to hear she needs him -
until she said she just needs him to sell t-shirts. After
a rousing number in which Jamie is backed by her friends Adele
and Avril Lavigne (after Freddie Mercury declines to sing
because he sung already and Rick Astley has to leave to go work
his shift at Subway), we find that Peter has run away to
Washington, DC to visit the Lincoln Memorial, the place he
always goes when he's sad, "Because the only thing sadder than
me right now is Abraham Lincoln, our 300th president, who was
turned to stone by a Medusa while he was trying to remember
something." Marian and Avril Lavigne find him - he's been
missing eight months, because he ran all the way from Los
Angeles to Washington. He says he feels like a dusty old
Grape Crush that isn't anybody's first choice, but they reassure
him that everybody feels that way sometimes. And then
Winston arrives to close out the evening with a song about Grape
SUMMARY: Peter visits his family, the Fluents, and
his twin sister Monica, who looks nothing like him. Monica
and Mr. Montabello bond over their mutual disgust with Peter,
and soon are engaged in a passionate love affair.
Meanwhile, Marian is offered a promotion to another
department... but if she takes it, she'll no longer be working
SUMMARY: As Marian contemplates her promotion, she
reminisces about how she met Peter. In a story that is in
no way reminiscent of The Help, we learn that Peter was
originally cared for by his elderly and cancer-stricken
co-worker, Ava. When Marian was hired, the dying Eva asked
Marian to take good care of her "giant man-baby." And so
SUMMARY: When Peter's parents reveal to him that
his sister Monica was adopted - and that they adopted her just
so that they could make him feel special by favoring him over
her - Peter decides to make things right with his sister.
However, Monica is on a hot 'n' heavy date with Mr. Montabello,
and they've been making out all night. They've just gotten
home and are en route to the bedroom when Peter, who thinks
Monica and Mr. Montabello are just really good friends,
surprises them. Though the news that she's not related to
Peter is initially gratifying, Peter has gone an extra step:
he's hired a private detective to find Monica's true family...
and it turns out that Mr. Montabello is actually Monica's
brother. As the incestuously star-crossed pair recoil from
each other and a horror from which they may never be able to
cleanse themselves, Peter congratulates himself on what a
wonderful thing he's done.
SUMMARY: Peter is annoyed with his new killjoy
co-worker, Scott... but he soon becomes The Winter Peter, and
begins killing people. And so Nick Furious and Black Widow
recruit Marian and convince her to become Captain Amarian once
more - an identity she's renounced for years - to help fight the
Winter Peter. The Winter Peter was created by Taylor Swift
and Winston, who are members of H.Y.D.R.O.X., a secret cabal
dedicated to spreading chaos... and promoting the superiority of
the Hydrox cookie over the Oreo. HAIL H.Y.D.R.O.X.!
And so Peter, Marian and Montabello find themselves trapped in a
room with a Gamma Bomb about to go off...
SUMMARY: Mr. Montabello has the best day ever -
Marian confesses a crush on him, and Peter is dying painfully
and quickly. But it's just a dream to help him forget he's
about to die when the Gamma Bomb goes off. Peter
hypnotizes Marian to make her leave the room, and her escape
impedes Mr. Montabello's. Peter "sort of" defuses the
bomb, which doesn't explode, but instead "harmlessly" leaks
massive amounts of gamma radiation. Meanwhile, Black Widow
arrives at the lair of H.Y.D.R.O.X. to kick some ass, but Taylor
Swift reveals that they didn't really want to kill Marian and
Peter... they actually want to heal Marian and Peter's
friendship. They rush off to try to save Marian and Peter
from the bomb, only to discover that the gamma radiation has
temporarily turned Peter into a handsome and superintelligent
man, while Mr. Montabello now has leukemia... and as if that
weren't enough, the radiation also transforms him into a woman.
(5/17/14) - PLAYOFFS WEEK 1!
SUMMARY: Peter just wants to tell a simple story of
two friends and a dog who says "I love you," but a cornucopia of
characters, including The Witch Queen of Altadena, Avril Lavigne, Congressman House of Cards and the
time-traveling Doctor and his companion Monica keep bogging the
whole thing down in plot... confusing, confusing plot.
SUMMARY: Mr. Montabello has become part of the
Tight, Tight, Pants Thursday Club who sing Maroon 5 around the
water cooler every Thursday. Peter wants to join the club and is
willing to show everyone how uncool Mr. Montabello is to do it.
The more level-headed Marian pleads for him to use his consience
before going forward with such a rash act. Peter has never used
his consience before, and it's represented by Littlefinger from
Game of Thrones, who wants him to take over Vague Industries,
and Karen Carpenter, who wants him to eat. Tight, Tight, Pants
Thursday Club is poisoned and their death is blamed on
Montabello, who then has to fight The Mountain - a small but
mighty woman. Cut to: the time-traveling Doctor and Monica
arrive five years in the future, a bleak landscape where a
now-evil Peter - having abandoned his promise to not indulge in
any complicated plot - has taken over Vague Industries.
(7/5/14) - PLAYOFFS WEEK 4!
SUMMARY: Peter once again affirms that he won't be
dropping you into the middle of a complicated plot. Peter
and Marian decide to take a break, but what kind of break should
they take? First, they try a Dramatic Break, watching a
DVD that was delivered to Mr. Montabello containing a morose
flashback of his father giving him up and then committing
suicide. Discomfited, they try a Point Break instead, and
enjoy a bit of Keanu-style action. Suddenly, the Doctor
and Monica arrive in the TARDIS; the Doctor is concerned as the
collapse of the Universe seems to have started right in this
place and time. Monica and Mr. Montabello have an awkward
reunion, and Monica turns down his offer to go to a concert.
As the Doctor angles for the tickets, Peter steals the TARDIS,
goes back in time, becomes D.B. Cooper (look it up on the
internet), and returns to the present... where he and everyone
else is immediately arrested, as the cops know somebody there is
D.B. Cooper but they're not sure who. The woman are
quickly released, and the Doctor is also released as they don't
have the rights to use him. Peter's lawyer is Young
Abraham Lincoln, who successfully gains Peter his freedom; in
the process, the judge also rules against women's contraception,
just because. Mr. Montabello is suspected of terrorism
because the flashback DVD was downloaded from an illegal torrent
from "Syria-Iran-Syria," but like Andy in "The Shawshank
Redemption," he digs his way to freedom, just in time to go to
the concert with everyone. It's a happy ending... but
suddenly, the Doctor is discomfited. "This isn't right!"
he exclaims. WHEW. LUCKY WE'RE NOT DROPPING YOU INTO
THE MIDDLE OF A COMPLICATED PLOT OR ANYTHING.
SUMMARY: A trio of new characters, Teri, Kelly and
Hazel, try to take over the story. When Vague Industries is sold
to The Specific Company, Mr. Montabello takes a new job running
a pizza place with the perky trio, creating a spinoff that the
Doctor and Monica warn Peter will be the undoing of the
universe. But when Peter is unable to prevent the spinoff from
happening, events spiral out of control. As they do.
Mr. Montabello (Eps.
1-6 & 8-14)
1-4 & 7)
Heatherlynn the Sentient Light
Heatherlynn the Sentient Light
Terrorist 1 / Fan / Art (Ep.
Enemy Combatant (Ep.
The Doctor (Eps.
3 & 5)
Avril Lavigne (Eps.
5 & 11)
Cupcake Worker (Ep.
Black Widow (Eps.
The Mountain (Ep.
Julia / Slutsy (Ep.
Nick Furious (Ep.