Lyrics ("My Pet Hitler" and
"Song of the Time Babies")
by Richard Levinson
(Eps. 2 & 15)
by Natasha Norman
by C.M. Gonzalez
EPISODE ONE (11/29/08)
The Screamer (Julia Griswold), The Crier
and The Owner (JJ Mayes).
Enter the lonely Cowboy (Michael Holmes),
who just wants 30 pieces
of silver in
order to purchase some land where he can grow beets with
a special someone, and rest his scrotum bag
and all of its contents.
The Friend (Brian Wallis) listens to all
The Owner's troubles.
The Owner's pet Hitler (Joe Hendrix) has
been a very naughty Hitler...
he bit the Owner's face and ran away after the Owner yelled at
Jesus (Jaime Andrews) has come back!
And now has both a penis and a vagina!
Jesus and the Cowboy seem to share a
...but he/she winds up in the arms of the
It all went down a little something like
EPISODE TWO (12/6/08) Photos this week by Suze Campagna
The Cowboy broods. As he does.
The Screamer hates The Punk Girl (Emily
Jesus tries to bring peace and love
between the rivals.
Jesus' expression says what all of us are
EPISODE THREE (12/13/08) Photos this week by Aaron Francis
Distraught at the conflict wrought by the
rivalry of The Cowboy and Hitler
for his/her love, Hermaphrodite Jesus flees the discoth?que.
The Crier's new pet, The Idiot (Bryan
The Owner and The Friend want Jesus eliminated so that the pet
will return home. They offer the conflicted Cowboy... 30
pieces of silver.
They invite him home for a dinner of steak fried baby to give
him time to consider.
The Punk Girl, who is the daughter of The
likes The Cowboy. Also, she's been saving her spit.
Casual dinner conversation. Click below to hear this scene!
Jackie Kennedy Onasis (Rebecca Larsen) is the maid. The
Punk Girl thinks
she is the worst Jackie Kennedy Onasis maid ever and makes her
drink her spit.
Jesus wonders why his/her father has
Enter Mephistopheles (Philip Newby, in his
final stage performance).
Mephistopheles tries to tempt Jesus!
Mephistopheles and Hitler meet... and it's love at first sight.
It all went down a little something like
In a "Special Christmas Greeting," the
entire cast sings "Feed the World"
while The Idiot throws candy and condoms into the audience.
EPISODE FOUR (1/31/09) Photos this week by Amber Rey
The story so far is recapped... up to a
point. But the dinner goes differently this time.
We meet The Owner's despondent wife, The Wife (Jenelle Riley)...
...The Punk Girl's dissafected boyfriend,
Schlog (Matt Valle)...
...and the Marilyn Monroe maid (Franci
who has replaced the Jackie Kennedy Onasis maid.
The Marilyn Monroe maid tries to seduce
The Cowboy into killing Jesus.
Schlog, accompanied by The Player (Richard Levinson), sings
"Happiness Is a Warm Gun."
Bang bang, shoot shoot.
But before he can pull the trigger, he is
stopped by a
mysterious stranger... a Moustache Man (Henry Dittman), who
him that this action will not bring him the happiness he seeks.
How does he know so much about The Cowboy? Because...
"I am become... android."
"BUT WHAT OF THE PROPHECY?" wails Jesus.
Herr Direktor Bertolt Hugemeyer (Peter Fluet) calls a halt to
the proceedings. After After excoriating
the Pretencia Players, he apologies to the audience - "This
episode is stupid and vulgar."
And he drops a
couple of bombshells:
"By the way, Android Marilyn Monroe Sex Slave is PREGNANT!
Also, THAT'S NOT REALLY JESUS EITHER! VASS DA FUCK?"
EPISODE NINE (6/20/09) - "Trial of the Hermaphrodite
PLAYOFFS WEEK FOUR! Photos by Juliette Storace, plus stills from video by
The Cowboy is dead. There is only
Android Cowboy now.
Herr Direktor apologizes that this week's
performance is "unsuitable - i.e. IT IS SHIT!"
Therefore, he is handing out new scripts -
live - that the actors HAVE
NEVER SEEN BEFORE - and directing them LIVE ON STAGE. For reals.
The Cowboy is made to do push-ups during
his angsty monologue. SLOW push-ups.
As Marilyn Monroe reveals she's pregnant
with the android's
child, Herr Direktor tells her to do it like she's from the
The Screamer and the Crier are briefly
made to switch roles.
Hermaphrodite Jesus is put on trial for
shooting the Cowboy.
The Virgin Mary-Bot (Kat Bardot)
testifies that this is not her son!
Hermaphrodite Jesus rips off his/her beard
and admits he/she is NOT Jesus,
but rather Vomitrov, a time-traveler from the future where
humanity has evolved
into a race of hermaphrodites! Herr Direktor has her
deliver her monologue like
Liza Minelli. She then escapes her trial via time travel,
having prevented the
Prophecy from coming true by shooting the Cowboy and turning him
Android! I think.
The plot points were kind of hard to follow this week. As
you might imagine.
The Virgin Mary-Bot offers comfort to
The Android Pet Hitler won't come down
from the tree.
The Owner and Friend kiss in Hitler's golden shower.
While doing an expressive dance routine,
realizes that even as an Android, he still loves the
Marilyn Monroe Sex Slave and their unborn child.
Vomitrov returns from the future,
announcing that the
Prophecy CAN now be fulfilled - for he/she is pregnant!
And the Screamer reveals to the Crier that she is also pregnant.
"You're going to be a papa, Kristov." The couple express their joy.
Some brief... highlights?... from this
EPISODE TEN (6/27/09) - "Children of the Third Millennium"
PLAYOFFS WEEK FIVE!
the Cyborg revolution is at hand
to destroy the androids!
L-R: Peter Fluet as "Cyborg Millard Fillmore,"
Pat Towne as "Cyborg Woody Guthrie"
and Bryan Krasner as "Cyborg Cecil B. DeMille"
Almost nothing can stop the Cyborgs... other than...
TIME BABIES! Conceived at the moment of a nuclear explosion!
They can go back in time, find the original programmers and
destroy them! It's like The Terminator in reverse!
(L-R: Matt Valle as "Utu" and Derek Mehn as "Speaker")
Nothing is the same... what will happen to their baby?
Time does not affect the Crier, the teller of tales! He must
Before the motherfucking baby kicks her uterus black and blue!
Android Friend and Owner are genetically
fused together and begging for alms.
Android Pet Hitler has escaped through the time rift with the
Enter a Stranger. She has no
routing code. For she is... human.
She is the Cowgirl (Carrie Wiita). She is the daughter of
the Cowboy and Android
Marilyn Monroe Sex Slave. And she is... a TIME BABY.
She seeks the other Time Babies,
so that she may conquer the Cybogs, and then rest her uterus box
and all its contents.
Android Pet Hitler mothers the Time Babies.
(Far Right: Rebecca Larsen as "Inana")
The Cowgirl arrives to take the Time Babies,
much to the consternation of Android Pet Hitler.
Inappropriate Musical Number: "Song of the Time Babies"
The Time Babies embark on their quest to the
past to destroy the Cyborg Programmer.
"My dear Android Marilyn Monroe... be careful.
Our daughter is on her way to murder you. She will fulfill
the prophecy. And I will do everything I can... to help her."