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written & directed by Scott Leggett
co-directed by JJ Mayes (ep. 2)

10 Episodes
Original Run: 5 Episodes - 11/29/08 - 2/7/09
Playoffs: 5 Episodes - 5/30/09 - 6/27/09

Better to have beasts that let themselves
be killed than men who run away.


Jaime Robledo

The Crier (Eps. 1-10)

Julia Griswold

The Screamer (Eps. 1-10)

Michael Holmes

The Cowboy (Eps. 1-10)

JJ Mayes

The Owner (Eps. 1-5)
The Android Owner (Eps. 6-10)

Brian Wallis

The Friend (Eps. 1-5)
The Android Friend (Eps. 6-10)

Jaime Andrews

Hermaphroditic Jesus (Eps. 1-8)
Not Hermaphroditic Jesus (Ep. 9)

Joe Hendrix

Pet Hitler (Eps. 1-5)

Paul Plunkett

Android Pet Hitler (Eps. 6-10)

Emily Pennington

The Punk-Girl (Eps. 2-5)

Natasha Norman

Eva Braun (Ep. 2)

Richard Levinson

The Player (Eps. 2, 4 & 10)

Bryan Krasner

The Idiot (Eps. 3 & 5)
Cyborg Cecil B. DeMille (Ep. 10)

Philip Newby

Mephistopheles (Ep. 3)

Rebecca Larsen

Jackie Kennedy Onassis (Ep. 3)

Jenelle Riley

The Wife (Ep. 4-5)

Matt Valle

Schlog (Ep. 4-5)

Franci Montgomery

Marilyn Monroe Maid (Ep. 4-5)
Marilyn Monroe Sex Slave (Eps. 6-9)

Henry Dittman

Philip Newby (Ep. 4)
Moustache Man (Ep. 5)
Shiva (Eps. 6-8)

Michael Lanahan

Vampyre Gandhi (Ep. 5)

Stephen Simon

The Rest of Shiva (Eps. 6-8)

Joe Fria

Android Homicide Detective (Ep. 8)

Peter Fluet

Herr Direktor Bertolt Hugemeyer (Eps. 8-9)
Cyborg Millard Filmore (Ep. 10)

Kat Bardot

Virgin Mary-Bot 9000 (Ep. 9)

Pat Towne

Cyborg Woodie Guthrie (Ep. 10)

Derek Mehn

Speaker the Time Baby (Ep. 10)

Rebecca Larsen

Inana the Time Baby (Ep. 10)

Matt Valle

Utu the Time Baby (Ep. 10)

Carrie Wiita

The Cowgirl (Ep. 10)
Music & Lyrics ("My Pet Hitler" and
"Song of the Time Babies")
by Richard Levinson
(Eps. 2 & 15)
Choreography by Natasha Norman (Eps. 2-3)

by C.M. Gonzalez

EPISODE ONE (11/29/08)

The Screamer (Julia Griswold), The Crier (Jaime Robledo)
and The Owner (JJ Mayes).

Enter the lonely Cowboy (Michael Holmes), who just wants 30 pieces
of silver in order to purchase some land where he can grow beets with
a special someone, and rest his scrotum bag and all of its contents.

The Friend (Brian Wallis) listens to all The Owner's troubles.

The Owner's pet Hitler (Joe Hendrix) has been a very naughty Hitler...
he bit the Owner's face and ran away after the Owner yelled at him.

Jesus (Jaime Andrews) has come back!
And now has both a penis and a vagina!

Jesus and the Cowboy seem to share a bond...

...but he/she winds up in the arms of the pet Hitler!

It all went down a little something like this...

EPISODE TWO (12/6/08)
Photos this week by Suze Campagna

The Cowboy broods.  As he does.

The Screamer hates The Punk Girl (Emily Pennington).

Jesus tries to bring peace and love between the rivals.

Jesus' expression says what all of us are thinking.

EPISODE THREE (12/13/08)
Photos this week by Aaron Francis

Distraught at the conflict wrought by the rivalry of The Cowboy and Hitler
for his/her love, Hermaphrodite Jesus flees the

The Crier's new pet, The Idiot (Bryan Krasner).

The Owner and The Friend want Jesus eliminated so that the pet Hitler
will return home.  They offer the conflicted Cowboy... 30 pieces of silver.
They invite him home for a dinner of steak fried baby to give him time to consider.

The Punk Girl, who is the daughter of The Owner,
likes The Cowboy.  Also, she's been saving her spit.

Casual dinner conversation.
Click below to hear this scene!

Jackie Kennedy Onasis (Rebecca Larsen) is the maid.  The Punk Girl thinks
she is the worst Jackie Kennedy Onasis maid ever and makes her drink her spit.

Jesus wonders why his/her father has abandoned him/her.

Enter Mephistopheles (Philip Newby, in his final stage performance).

Mephistopheles tries to tempt Jesus!

Mephistopheles and Hitler meet... and it's love at first sight.

It all went down a little something like this...

In a "Special Christmas Greeting," the entire cast sings "Feed the World"
while The Idiot throws candy and condoms into the audience.

EPISODE FOUR (1/31/09)
Photos this week by Amber Rey

The story so far is recapped... up to a point.  But the dinner goes differently this time.
We meet The Owner's despondent wife, The Wife (Jenelle Riley)...

...The Punk Girl's dissafected boyfriend, Schlog (Matt Valle)...

...and the Marilyn Monroe maid (Franci Montgomery),
who has replaced the Jackie Kennedy Onasis maid.

The Marilyn Monroe maid tries to seduce The Cowboy into killing Jesus.

Schlog, accompanied by The Player (Richard Levinson), sings "Happiness Is a Warm Gun."

Bang bang, shoot shoot.

But before he can pull the trigger, he is stopped by a
mysterious stranger... a Moustache Man (Henry Dittman), who tells
him that this action will not bring him the happiness he seeks.
How does he know so much about The Cowboy?  Because...

"I am Phil Newby."

One by one, the entire cast and crew of that night's
Serial Killers emerge and proclaim, "I am Phil Newby."

It all went down a little something like this...


The Punk Girl meets Vampire Gandhi (Michael Lanahan)
and decides to become one of his followers. Super-duper!

The Idiot reveals to a lonely Jesus that he is, in fact, God.


EPISODE SIX (5/30/09) - "Dawn of the Cowboy of 1000 Years"

Re-Introduction, as the story shifts... to the FUTURE!

A Thousand Years Hence, and the rich and powerful have downloaded
their thoughts and memories into android bodies... ROBOTS!
They look, talk and act like people... but they are fucking ROBOTS!

Shiva (Henry Dittman with Stephen Simon) is
the bartender in the future discoth?que.

The Android Owner scolds Android Pet Hitler (Paul Plunkett)
for making sheitze on Shiva's bar.

Enter the Cowboy, who has lived a thousand years,
searching fruitlessly for the stranger.

Hermaphrodite Jesus watches in horror as the Cowboy prepares
to give himself to the Android Owner's Marilyn Monroe Sex Slave.
And the Marilyn Monroe Sex Slave says she's no robot...

EPISODE SEVEN (6/6/09) - "Temptation of the Cowboy of 1000 Years"

For the first time in many, many centuries,
the Cowboy felt a stirring in his scrotum bag.

"On a hot summer night, would you offer your
android throat to the Pumatar with the red roses?"

Well... she took the words right out of his mouth.

Shiva officiates a wedding while Hitler does what Hitler does best.

Hermaphrodite Jesus has shot the Cowboy!
"The Assassination of Hope!  Slow fade to black!"

EPISODE EIGHT (6/13/09) - "Deconstruction of the Cowboy of 1000 Years"

Jesus claims she did it for love.  Nobody's buying it.

The Cowboy is dying.

"A cowboy, shot, barely alive.  Androids, we can rebuild him.
He will be better than he vass before... STRONGER!  FASTER!"

The Android Homicide Detective (Joe Fria)
demands to know why Jesus isn't an android.

Steve wanders in from the next sketch over and is totally freaked out.

"I am become... android."

Herr Direktor Bertolt Hugemeyer (Peter Fluet) calls a halt to the proceedings.  After After excoriating
the Pretencia Players, he apologies to the audience - "This episode is stupid and vulgar."

And he drops a couple of bombshells:
"By the way, Android Marilyn Monroe Sex Slave is PREGNANT!  VASS?

EPISODE NINE (6/20/09) - "Trial of the Hermaphrodite Jesus"
Photos by Juliette Storace, plus stills from video by Suze Campagna

The Cowboy is dead.  There is only Android Cowboy now.

Herr Direktor apologizes that this week's
 performance is "unsuitable - i.e. IT IS SHIT!"

Therefore, he is handing out new scripts - live - that the actors HAVE
NEVER SEEN BEFORE - and directing them LIVE ON STAGE.  For reals.

The Cowboy is made to do push-ups during
his angsty monologue.  SLOW push-ups.

As Marilyn Monroe reveals she's pregnant with the android's
child, Herr Direktor tells her to do it like she's from the Valley.

The Screamer and the Crier are briefly made to switch roles.

Hermaphrodite Jesus is put on trial for shooting the Cowboy.

The Virgin Mary-Bot (Kat Bardot)
testifies that this is not her son!

Hermaphrodite Jesus rips off his/her beard and admits he/she is NOT Jesus,
but rather Vomitrov, a time-traveler from the future where humanity has evolved
into a race of hermaphrodites!  Herr Direktor has her deliver her monologue like
Liza Minelli.  She then escapes her trial via time travel, having prevented the
Prophecy from coming true by shooting the Cowboy and turning him Android!  I think.
The plot points were kind of hard to follow this week.  As you might imagine.

The Virgin Mary-Bot offers comfort to Marilyn Monroe.

The Android Pet Hitler won't come down from the tree.
The Owner and Friend kiss in Hitler's golden shower.

While doing an expressive dance routine, the Cowboy
realizes that even as an Android, he still loves the
Marilyn Monroe Sex Slave and their unborn child.

Vomitrov returns from the future, announcing that the
Prophecy CAN now be fulfilled - for he/she is pregnant!

And the Screamer reveals to the Crier that she is also pregnant.
"You're going to be a papa, Kristov."  The couple express their joy.

Some brief... highlights?... from this episode.

EPISODE TEN (6/27/09) - "Children of the Third Millennium"

Another 1000 years hence...
the Cyborg revolution is at hand
to destroy the androids!

L-R: Peter Fluet as "Cyborg Millard Fillmore,"
Pat Towne as "Cyborg Woody Guthrie"
and Bryan Krasner as "Cyborg Cecil B. DeMille"

Almost nothing can stop the Cyborgs... other than...
TIME BABIES! Conceived at the moment of a nuclear explosion!
They can go back in time, find the original programmers and
destroy them! It's like The Terminator in reverse!
(L-R: Matt Valle as "Utu" and Derek Mehn as "Speaker")

Nothing is the same... what will happen to their baby?
Time does not affect the Crier, the teller of tales! He must continue!
Before the motherfucking baby kicks her uterus black and blue!

Android Friend and Owner are genetically
fused together and begging for alms.
Android Pet Hitler has escaped through the time rift with the Time Babies.

Enter a Stranger.  She has no
routing code. For she is... human.

She is the Cowgirl (Carrie Wiita).  She is the daughter of the Cowboy and Android
Marilyn Monroe Sex Slave.  And she is... a TIME BABY.  She seeks the other Time Babies,
so that she may conquer the Cybogs, and then rest her uterus box and all its contents.

Android Pet Hitler mothers the Time Babies.
(Far Right: Rebecca Larsen as "Inana")

The Cowgirl arrives to take the Time Babies,
much to the consternation of Android Pet Hitler.

Inappropriate Musical Number: "Song of the Time Babies"

The Time Babies embark on their quest to the
past to destroy the Cyborg Programmer.

"My dear Android Marilyn Monroe... be careful.
Our daughter is on her way to murder you. She will fulfill
the prophecy. And I will do everything I can... to help her."

What the fuck!?  Slow fade to black!