that's Brad...


by Brad Friedman

May 2, 2001 -

Well, it was another big week, This Week in Crime

But not just in Crime…it’s also been a big week in Punishment as once again the will of the people has been thwarted by the Left-Wing, Commie-Loving, Anti-American Bolsheviks at the Federal Bureau of Investigation… So a few thousand documents were withheld during the trial of America’s Greatest Serial Killer, Timothy McVeigh, well boo hoo hoo.

Let’s get the facts straight -- something the Liberal Media just can’t seem to do -- FACT: Timothy McVeigh is guilty. FACT: He bombed the Edward R. Murrow building. Period. That’s it. He did it. He admitted he did it. And that’s it.

Why does he need to look at these new documents?  Is he hoping to find out that he didn’t do it?

Not only did he do it. He bragged about doing it. And so it is our patriotic American Duty to make sure he dies as quickly as possible.

The American People can not stand yet another thirty days of Timothy McVeigh being alive before we kill him! He must die. He must die. And he must die quickly and now…Before he can escape from his solitary confinement in his maximum security prison, build another enormous bomb, and blow up the Walter G. Cronkite building.

As our excellent new Attorney General, John Ashcroft recently said: QUOTE - “Every day that Timothy McVeigh doesn’t die is another day that Jesus Christ weeps tears of blood and angry vengeance”…Okay, maybe he didn’t say exactly that…but still…we must hurry up and kill this man quickly! Because that is the American Way!

And speaking of the American Way, let us not forget the greatest American President of our day, George W. Bush, who, as Governor of Texas signed into legislation the brilliant no-tolerance, three-strikes-and-you’re-out-for-Underage-Drinking legislation….Not that the Liberal Media would let you know it…but it turns out that in Texas, the penalty for the third Underage Drinking offense is – you guessed it – the Death Penalty… So I don’t care if she is the President’s Daughter. One more Frozen Margarita and that little Lady is gonna fry!

And speaking of frying…where does that Robert Blake get off killing his wife and claiming his “innocence”.  I say Baretta must die!

Also, both Colombo and McGyver should also be killed…Just because.

And while we’re killing people, I say we kill that guy who says “if we don’t beat our competitors price, your Mattress is FREE!”

Also, I’d like to kill Larry King. Just because, frankly, I think we’d be doing both him, and his next six or seven wives a favor.

As yesterdays Crown Prince, but today’s new KING of Nepal has proven…This country…even though that was Nepal and this is America…is built on the right to kill people with indiscriminant justice.

And justice, and death, and perhaps occasional random and televised dismemberments is all that we demand from our government. Is that too much to ask? Sissy Fag Boys?! I think not.

…And that’s this week’s This Week In Crime

Previously in 
"CRIME SCENE 2000: The Race To the Whitehouse"

· May 2, 2001   Timothy McVeigh must die, die, die! Quick! Hurry! Now! Die!
· March 11, 2000 EXCLUSIVE VIDEO! CS2K Takes to the Polls on Super Tuesday!
· March 4, 2000 EXCLUSIVE AUDIO! Pat Robertson vs John McCain in..."The Battle of the Voter Alerts!"
· February 26, 2000 George W. in his own words!
· February 19, 2000
(not yet available)
South Carolina Primary Results! And a visit from The President of the United States!!!
· February 12, 2000 EXCLUSIVE Interview with the Reclusive John McCain!
· December 4, 1999   The Battle for Seattle!
· October 30, 1999  A Gorey Halloween Special! Caught on tape!
· October 16, 1999 Y2K!!! Without the Hype!!! Read it now!!! NOW!!!
· October 9, 1999 Spielberg Makes News! Must be a slow news week...
· September 25, 1999  Felt Up by Diana Ross! Framed Up by the LAPD! And Fed Up by Media Minorities!
· September 18, 1999  EXCLUSIVE! O.J. Simpson Bares All!
· August 28, 1999   Reno Blows Denial! George W. Denies Blow!
· August 14, 1999   Duchovny cries conspiracy & Buford goes ballistic!
· August 7, 1999 Sex & The Baby-Sitter!
· May 15, 1999 A special This Century In Crime, Millenial Minute!
· May 8, 1999 Reagan goes to Jail, Moses goes to bat & Lolita goes home!
· May 1, 1999 Littleton, Fabio and the Cola Wars play the race card!
· April 24, 1999 Special Breaking News! Littleton Shootings.