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that's Brad...


by Brad Friedman
with Gerald McClanahan!

that's Gerald...

This week's THIS WEEK IN CRIME has been newly re-tooled based on exhaustive data gathered after months and months of intense research and focus groups! The result is, of course, a much, much better edition of THIS WEEK IN CRIME! Please enjoy!

September 25, 1999 -

Brad Friedman! Howdy! I'm Brad Friedman!
And I'm Gerald McClanahan! Gerald McClanahan!
Brad Friedman! Well, it was another big week, This Week in Crime…

But not just here in the United States, where you'd expect an inordinate amount of crime…No, there was crime aplenty as far away as merry old England, in the wake of one major bust this week...And that major bust belonged to Pop Superstar, Diana Ross…

Ms. Ross, and her bust, were preparing to board a British Airways jet at Heathrow Airport earlier this week, when during a routine fisting…whoopsy-daisy!...frisking…an over-zealous airport security woman, allegedly decided to cop a feel of the Motown Songstress, who in turn, decided to feel the cop to give her a taste of her own medicine.

And that's when all hell broke loose…The Beloved American Diva was pulled off the plane after the guard complained to the constables that Ms. Ross had assaulted her simply for doing her own job. The British Bobbies had their hands full, as they questioned Ms. Ross for over 5 hours before bopping her on the head with one of those silly little clubs and setting her free.

Ms. Ross shot to fame in the 60's before leaving The Supremes, who went on to produce such hits on their own as…

Well anyway... Ms. Ross, aside from being American, is also Black. Isn't that right, Gerald?

Right you are, Brad! Gerald McClanahan!
Brad Friedman! And back we hop across the pond, to the good Old Red, White & Blue, where one of the largest police corruption scandals in history began unfolding this week in our quiet hometown of Los Angeles, California. Scores of LA's finest have been dismissed and/or put under investigation this week after evidence has surfaced of wide-spread corruption at the city's Rampart Division.

In the wake of the scandal, Los Angeles Police Chief Bernard Parks quickly quelled all cause for concern by announcing that a thorough, impartial investigation of the Los Angeles Police Department would be promptly initiated by the…Los Angeles Police Department.

Allegations against scores of rogue cops include drug theft, frame-ups, lying in court, planting of evidence and violence against unarmed minority suspects.

Upon hearing this news, members of local minority groups were shocked -- shocked -- to hear that the LAPD may have been conspiring against them!

Our own Gerald McClanahan, being Black, is also a member of a minority. Isn't that right Gerald?

Right you are, Brad! Gerald McClanahan!
Brad Friedman! I don't know about you, Gerald, but I, personally, am sick and tired of being hassled by The Man.
I'll say, Brad! Gerald McClanahan!
Brad Friedman! And finally tonight, a report was released on Thursday that counters the recent claims and threats of litigation from the National Association for the Advancement of Colored People - or the NCAA…
That's NAACP, Brad… Gerald McClanahan!
Brad Friedman! Right you are, Gerald!

…From the NAACP concerning the - quote - "whitewashing" - unquote of this Fall's Primetime Network line-up. The report claims the six networks are actually featuring more parts this year than last year for African-Americans…and other lesser minorities…

A spokesman for the ASPCA…

Oops! Once again...that's NAACP, Brad... Gerald McClanahan!
Brad Friedman! Right again, Gerald!

…A spokesman for the NAACP countered the counter-claim by claiming that counter to the claim the roles given to Blacks in television this year were largely smaller supporting roles which do not reflect the deep, rounded, complex, character and intelligence of the average Black American.

We agree. The appalling lack of sensitivity from our nations Media is irreproachable! Hey ABC, NBC & CBS! Get hep to the beat! It's time to start kickin' it with a few more of the homies!… Though it should go without saying, this is 1999 and black characters in the media must be more than just amusing little sight gags and oh, so easy punchlines!

Right you are, Brad! Gerald McClanahan!
Brad Friedman! Right indeed! …And that's this week's, newly re-tooled This Week In Crime...

Previously in 
"CRIME SCENE 2000: The Race To the Whitehouse"

May 2, 2001   Timothy McVeigh must die, die, die! Quick! Hurry! Now! Die!
March 11, 2000 EXCLUSIVE VIDEO! CS2K Takes to the Polls on Super Tuesday!
March 4, 2000 EXCLUSIVE AUDIO! Pat Robertson vs John McCain in..."The Battle of the Voter Alerts!"
February 26, 2000 George W. in his own words!
February 19, 2000
(not yet available)
South Carolina Primary Results! And a visit from The President of the United States!!!
February 12, 2000 EXCLUSIVE Interview with the Reclusive John McCain!
December 4, 1999   The Battle for Seattle!
October 30, 1999  A Gorey Halloween Special! Caught on tape!
October 16, 1999 Y2K!!! Without the Hype!!! Read it now!!! NOW!!!
October 9, 1999 Spielberg Makes News! Must be a slow news week...
September 25, 1999  Felt Up by Diana Ross! Framed Up by the LAPD! And Fed Up by Media Minorities!
September 18, 1999  EXCLUSIVE! O.J. Simpson Bares All!
August 28, 1999   Reno Blows Denial! George W. Denies Blow!
August 14, 1999   Duchovny cries conspiracy & Buford goes ballistic!
August 7, 1999 Sex & The Baby-Sitter!
May 15, 1999 A special This Century In Crime, Millenial Minute!
May 8, 1999 Reagan goes to Jail, Moses goes to bat & Lolita goes home!
May 1, 1999 Littleton, Fabio and the Cola Wars play the race card!
April 24, 1999 Special Breaking News! Littleton Shootings.